is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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