Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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