Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
