I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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