i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
