i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
