Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
