What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
