are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
