I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
