All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
