even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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