it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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