Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
