You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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