Apparently you make a good broom.
My balls are so social today.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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