So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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