he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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