is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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