Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
