Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
