yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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