I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
