It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I bet he comes in French.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
