This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize