bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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