god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
