why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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