Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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