She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
