You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Your dad touched me again.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
