And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
