I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
