my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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