dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
