I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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