My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
