I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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