dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
