Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
