when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
