It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Randomize