You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize