i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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