Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
