Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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