I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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