when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Of course I have a pirate flag
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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