He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
