4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
