JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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