i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
