It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
