Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize