i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
