I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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