I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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