hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
