If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
