..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
