okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
