lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
