We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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