apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
