THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
