i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize