u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
