roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
