No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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