If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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