JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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