I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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