Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
