why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
