sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
