I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
