I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
