Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
