I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
