We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
