O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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