Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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