Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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