hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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