had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
