so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
