my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
