i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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