I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
