I think i peed on brittanys purse
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
