Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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