You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize