benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
