i already hear my dad disowning me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize