it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
