I wish my penis had an off switch
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
