it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
